Watching/listening to my dad technology is painful. It looks like I’ll be editing his site for him….this is gonna be pain. Pain incarnate. I am about to go through one hell of a challenge in not destroying everything in fury, because dad doesn’t understand the internet. *pained sounds*
Tag Archives: wolf
Tundra – To Rose
Hopefully the next person to read this will be Rose, or you’ll read it at some point.
Happy Birthday from all of us in the system, this is a rather delayed message I know, but I am always here to help you. This is where we keep everything up to date as much as possible with how we’re all doing, so if you feel like checking in but don’t want a conversation, or are questioning whether Tasha is being open enough, here is usually reliable. I have no idea what the history of this site contains, there is a lot, but we all post on here, there is now a rule that Beth cannot post, so you won’t see any more from her, though there are some past ones. No photo’s go up generally though.
In other news, I think you are a wonderful person, and have helped Tasha immensely. When Astra was visiting, we had a long conversation, and as I’m sure she’s told you, we both agreed you are kind, too kind, and like Tasha, try too hard to make all those around you happy and safe. Whilst this is commendable, both you and Tasha need to take time for yourselves more. You are both learning to say no though, which is good.
Also I may have mentioned this to Astra, but I appreciate all that you have done, and will continue to support you when you need it. Whether during one of Tasha’s episodes, or simply when you are not doing well. Much love Rose, take care. X
Tasha
Hi, it’s….been a while. I’ve been out of the body for a little bit, and by little I mean over a week or two, I lost track, time went weird, but I am back, and had almost 24 hours of psychosis because Beth, otherwise known as Cassi, is an absolute bitch. However, I think I’m breaking my curse, bit by bit. Mornings are usually better, a bit anyway, but this morning is good, and I am determined to keep today good, to keep this ball rolling. Things are going to be okay, I’m sure. I’m going to move, I’m going to make new friends, and I’m going to meet new people.
Things will be okay.
I belong.
Tasha Post, RIP Jenny
Today, at around 2am, we lost Jenny. I wanted to just write down some of the last things she said, or words to that effect.
“Losing hope isn’t like a big bang, like a sudden thing, or a big moment. It’s quiet, it just….suddenly is. One moment you have it, the next, it’s gone, empty. That’s what losing hope is like.”
“I don’t want to be here anymore, everyone lies, everything hurts.”
(In the hospital to a nurse) “I…wanted to die, but I don’t want Tasha to be hurt. Is Tasha going to be okay?”
(And to me, quietly) “Don’t worry, she’ll be here.” (She had lost sense of time and what was going on by this point.)
Brave Jenny, please return one day. I don’t know how to be without you.
Tasha
Everything hurts, everything is pain, everything is too bright, too much, too deep…and it hurts. I am living through life being told to jump into someones arms, and then they move, and are gone, and I’m falling.
I can’t do this.
Kay
I’ve been letting things go a bit. I know. I let others take the roles I fill, and waited to see if it worked rather than staying in charge of them myself. That time is over. I am back to usual, and I am back in my role. Tasha and I are closer than ever, and honestly, I see them having a full and good future, I just need to make sure they don’t do anything stupid. The pack is back as Tasha keeps saying. The wolves were distant for a while, but we are back, and more solid than ever. The time has come, and the time has passed, now is now. We are here. And we will not fall.
Tasha
Upside Downside time.
So, on the upside, I am doing better today and haven’t had a proper episode in a few days, and the one I did have turned into drinking with friends!
On the downside, I got mansplained and talked over at until I left early.
Upside, I am not hungover.
Downside, the 8 year old inside, Jenny, also got out a bit whilst drinking, and has now experienced being drunk.
Upside, she only drunk texted concern for other people.
Downside, it was Rose, who is already acting weird. (Which, in Jenny’s defence is probably why it happened)
Upside, Jenny also had a nice chat with the DID specialist and we may be trying to ease her paranoia (Jenny’s that is).
Downside, since I last posted, Beth has been active as fuck due to being summoned back into the system in an aim to protect other people.
Upside, she’s been quieter, and more easy to reason with.
Downside, that lured Rose into a conversation with her which took a really dark turn verbally.
Upside, we know Beth is still a bitch.
Downside, Beth is a bitch.
Overall…eh?
Tasha – Moonbeam
I am power, I am life, I am creation and I am destruction, I am connected to the earth in ways I forgot, in ways people don’t see, I see things yes, but they’re not the future, and not the past.
They are NOW.
I am now.
And I will not let them push me around anymore. I know what I am, who I am, and even if I don’t understand it? I am being it. And fuck anyone who tells me I’m wrong. I know what I know, and they can see their narrow walls all they want, those walls aren’t mine.
I am a Moon Beam, and I am strong.
I am Faeborn.
Tasha
I’m scared. There’s a fae, not in my system, in someone else’s. And she’s scaring me. She and Orion got confrontational, and ever since I’ve been on edge, and then the other day when I was about to leave a friends house cos I felt an episode coming on, she came out. She told me to have fun. She knew. I knew. And the host doesn’t.
I don’t trust myself, but I’ve never trusted others. And yet I want to trust this person, the host. But with that fae inside her…I have to lock my door, I have to keep my distance, I have to be alert. And I am waiting for something bad to happen. She doesn’t know I’m old fae, she doesn’t know what we all are. We’re back to when it was day and night only. She’s new, and young. And I am so done with this bullshit, I want to feel safe, I want to feel sane, but I am….scared.
It’s bad enough another person inside you trying to kill you, when someone inside a friend hates you too…
I’m so close to leaving.
Kay
When words fail to convey how you feel, you learn to not reply. Sometimes a silence says it all.
The DID pack 